Brief? 4 Year Relationship, thought we'd grow old together. He started looking else where. He ended it.
It's taken a long time to sit down and actually write this post. It's something I wanted to do but kept putting it off. I wanted to share my tips for a break up.
There are no fucking tips. Or tricks. Or anything that's going to instantly relive that pain. Trust me, I googled every web page you can imagine. I'm going to share what actually helps not so much at first, but in the long run, as days & weeks go by.
Family and friends. Tell who you need to tell and get it over with. Holding onto that and having to respond 'yeah I'm okay' is bull shit. Tell who you're closest to you and let them look after you, even if you don't want them too. You'll thank me later.
Let yourself grieve. Let yourself put your headphones in with 'your' song playing looking at all your photos, crying at what could of been. It's so important to let this out your system. Before you know it.. You'll be making a bonfire out of all the birthday and Valentine cards you shared while drinking a bottle of wine, toasting that you're glad it's over.
Cut the contact. For the first couple of weeks it will be impossible not to check his Facebook or text him to see how he is. After this period, be strict with yourself, block all contact. If you find yourself wanting to open your laptop, you go get your butt in a bubble bath, go for a run or let's be real - raid the chocolate stash. Do whatever takes your mind off it.
Make plans with family and friends, even if you don't want to, book a date for a couple weeks time. When it gets closer you'll be glad you did and will hopefully be looking forward to it. The little pleasures in life with keep you going. Crack out a new tv series to get stuck into. Breaking Bad is a good option (Aaron Paul helps).
Get sable. Put your head into your work and/or hobby and make sure you have a stable living situation. For me, I was so worried about not being able to afford my rent without him living with me. It made me so anxious. When I sorted my situation out, I found myself actually enjoying this new time to myself and knowing I was safe. I always had a warm bed at the end of the day and a full belly.
Look back with happiness. Try not look at your time together as a wasted journey. Try and just value the nice memories you had. You may not be able to stand that person anymore, but don't get all angry when looking at the bench you used to always meet at. Look back at it as if it was a happy experience in your life. You may want to change your way of thinking down the line, but initially, thinking like this really helped me.
Treat yourself. Take some time to start pampering yourself. Doing the things you couldn't with him. Eat the food he never liked. Like that hangbag? Splurge, you deserve it. Want to eat 2 tubs of Ben & Jerrys? Do it. Get it all out your system. Most importantly, enjoy doing these little things.
Remember that everything usually happens for a reason. Although at first you feel pain that you didn't even know existed and you feel your whole life is over, as you had it all mapped out. With hm. Remember that things usually work them selves out for the better down the line. You may get an opportunity to move somewhere amazing or meet somebody that treats like never before. Be open and remember there's worse things in the world.
Finally, no amount of tips/advice online, not even these, will make the pain go away. I hate to say it, but time really is a healer. People said it to me and I felt like punching them in the face, but man oh man they were so right. Wake up, shower, do your thing, go to sleep. Repeat. Keep going, it gets easier. I promise.
Thanks for reading, if this helps one person, I'll be happy.